Day ninety five: street justice.

A man came into the New Shop today for a glass of water. It was after the lunch rush so I didn't see a problem with him taking a seat and having some H2O. Sometimes it's just easier to say yes than to ask someone to leave. 


He sat at one of the booths happily sipping away when I noticed he was putting sugar, salt and pepper into his glass and chugging it. The only time I've ever seen someone drink sugar water with such zest was in the major motion picture Men in Black starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. 


The man then started to bounce around from table to table so I decided it was time for him to kick rocks as it were and take his sugar water drinking show on the road. It was time to go sell crazy somewhere else because at the New Shop, we're all stocked up. 


I went into the kitchen to tell Chef that I was about to ask the man to leave and that if all of a sudden I went missing it was because the guy, whose name we later found out was Grant? It was definitely a 'g' name -- if I was missing it was because Grant had killed me to make a lamp out of my skin. Excessive and paranoid? Perhaps, but you never really can tell with sugar water drinkers. 


As I walked out of the kitchen and back into the dinning room Grant was putting on his coat while mumbling something about "heading back to work." Skin lamp crisis averted. I replied with "have a good one" and went back to whatever it was I was doing. Instead of leaving out the front door Grant went to the washroom at the back of the New Shop or so I assumed. 


A few minutes went by and I had not seen him come out so back into the kitchen I went to ask Chef or one of the cooks to take a peek in the mens room to make sure nothing unsavory was going on. It turns out Grant walked into the back room and Chef told him to "get the fuck out" not thinking to check if Grant took anything before letting him walk out the front door. 


As I noticed him leave I remembered that he didn't have a backpack when he came into the restaurant and it hit me -- that sugar water drinking thief stole from us. Naturally, I decided to go get it back. 


I put on my jacket and told the other server to call the Red Coats (slang for the Downtown Watch) and give them this description:

• male
• 45 years old
• 5'10" 
• red hair
• glasses
• two tone beige jacked
• two tone green backpack 

I didn't realize how observant I've become since becoming a server. Sure I've seen every episode of every Law and Order franchise but I think it was the serving and constantly sizing people up on a daily basis that helped me remember as many things about him as I did. 

I booked it down the street after him, not unlike LL Cool J in the 2003 major motion picture based on the television series S.W.A.T.:

I don't remember running that fast in my 26 years but I was pretty impressed with myself. 


To cut a long story less long, I caught up with him at the Hydro building across the street from Portage Place Shopping Centre. With the authority of Jack Bauer and the adrenaline of a mom whose small child is trapped under a car I yelled "give me back my stuff!!" and Grant turned around and graciously started taking off the jacket and shoes he was wearing.  


I think it's about time to quit the restaurant industry and start fighting crime. Street justice had prevailed, no thanks to Chef whose first instinct was to go up to his office and change out of his kitchen clothes into his civvies (street clothes) then go search for Grant. Too late, manhunt over. 


(Insert my real name here) - 1. Crime - 0