Time to get reacquainted...

Some things never change:

• I can still survive on a steady diet of classic Kraft Dinner and cheap Argentinian wine
• My colouring has never been better and I still maintain that if it were an employable job skill I would, in fact, have all the jobs. All the jobs
• I am the queen of procrastination and putting things off until tomorrow
• I hate cats but I love kittens
• I'm still up to my eyeballs in crippling student loan debt

I'd like to say, after graduating from post-secondary education, some things have changed for me but the reality is, with a few minor exceptions, nothing really has. 

I still work at (insert real name here). The New Shop, on the other hand, has ceased to exist. One morning this past summer the boss called me up to the office and told me, effective immediately, the New Shop was closing down. I wasn't at all surprised but I wish a there was some more honesty about the "decision" to close. 

For defamation sake, I won't say the New Shop closed because the boss wasn't paying the bills, but when you show up to work and the locks have been changed and the property management company won't let you in to get your stuff because the boss hasn't paid the bills -- I think it's safe to say that the boss wasn't paying the bills. 

I was sad. And not because I was out of a job. I was sad because I had some great times at that place:

• after hours drinking adult beverage consumption with some good laughs
• wall papering Chef's office with gay porn 
• working hard to make the place somewhere Winnipeggers wanted to eat and be a part of
• street cheese

It really was a shock to the system. It felt, and still does feel like all my hard work was for nothing It was demoralizing. At the same time, it was a wake up call. As much as I have fun working in the restaurant industry, it's not my calling. I'm not sure what I am going to do with the rest of my life but I know it's time to get back on track because my particular pursuit of happiness is forever going to be that, a pursuit, not a reality. 

So it's back to living on tips but this time, I'm looking for a grown-up job too.

Day one hundred and forty two: results

The employee review continues...


Category #3: Results


Associate meets personal and company goals established by managers. Sets personal goals and works tirelessly towards accomplishing. 


(insert real name here) 


Getting a little personal, aren't we (insert real name here)? I don't think that it's appropriate for management to be establishing "personal" goals for me nor do I think it's any of their business whether or not I "work tirelessly" towards accomplishing the ones I set for myself. I know what kind of goals I've set for myself and what I do in the hours outside of (insert real name here) is none of their business. 


For example:

• To not be in crippling debt 5 years from now
• Keep my apartment clean for more than 7 hours
• Finish the Sunday New York Times Crossword puzzle... without cheating

That all said I am open to any goals that management has for me as far as work is concerned. I call those "work goals". 

For example:

• Be more patient when select co-workers ask stupid questions
• Stop eating whipped cream from the reach in fridge
• Stop breaking plates when I get angry -- just because my dad's cousin Scott married a Greek girl and I know view myself as being Greek even though I've never met her or her family or have I seen Scott since a family reunion in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan in the early 90s, it's not OK to smash plates on the kitchen floor (hypothetically speaking of course) 

(New Shop) 


My goals here are simple. Pull off a prank to scare all of the jerks I work with that scare me -- something so terrifying that I evoke this response:




Part of me feels like I have to rate myself as DN -- Does not meet expectations, but a greater part of me knows better. My rating? Exceeds expectations! 

Day one hundred and forty one: guest driven/passionate

Employee review time continues and I am breaking down each category so when I sit down and discuss them with management, I am beyond prepared. 


Category #2: Guest driven/passionate


Associate does everything they can to ensure a "WOW" experience for our guests. Upbeat, positive, friendly and passionate about their job with guests/co-workers.


(insert real name here) 


When I go up to a table to introduce myself and tell them will be looking after them for their meal I like to let them know it "may or may not be a good thing" depending on their expectations. If they are willing to keep their expectations low, then we're off to a great start. 


To truly determine if I give a table a "WOW" experience we must look at the word "WOW" itself. 


Dictionary.com defines "wow" as: 

But since the self-evaluation has capitalized "wow" I am led to believe that what they're really asking is if I am providing the "World of Warcraft experience" and to that I have to say no, no I am not. What does a "massive multi-player online role playing game" have to do with my abilities as a server? 

If the management at (insert real name here) wants me to take this assessment seriously then they shouldn't be asking such ridiculous questions. 

While I am "upbeat, positive and friendly" I can say that I'm not passionate about World of Warcraft, I've never played it -- I'm more of a Dr. Mario kinda gal. 

Now Dr. Mario? That's a game to be passionate about. 

(New Shop)

I don't play World of Warcraft there either, but there are ghosts so I guess that's close? I can't really be sure.

My rating? Exceeds expectations regardless of these outlandish demands.  

Day one hundred and thirty nine: murder house

The New Shop has the creepiest basement in all of Winnipeg. My old apartment's laundry room that looked like an abandoned mental institution with it's sea foam green walls doesn't even come close. I do my best to stay out of if because it feels like a murder house (a house where people are murdered). 

Every time I’ve had to go into the basement I make sure to bring someone down with me, preferably someone less agile so that if I need to flee, no one will be in my way.

The New Shop is haunted and even though everyone knows that ghosts only come out at night I still find myself a little on edge, which in turn makes me an easier target for trickery.

It doesn’t take much to make me jump or give out a little (blood curdling) scream which some of the staff (all) think it’s fun to do to me on a weekly (daily) basis.

A couple days ago I was so startled by the Chef jumping out from behind a wall that I screamed then threw an empty plastic soda crate at him before I topped backwards and fell on the floor. What can I say? I’ve got unreal survival instincts.

So in order to get back at him I thought I’d hide in the freezer and pop out when he opened it.

My mom didn’t like this when I told her about this after the fact because even though I didn’t get locked in the freezer, there was still a chance I could have gotten locked in the freezer and that “doesn’t sit well” with her.

Fun fact: I am awful at scaring people because I start laughing right before the scaring takes place. I think it’s a nervous tick.

His reaction left much to be desired as far as fright is concerned as he barely batted an eye and left out a relaxed "whoa." Ideally, I’d like it to be along the lines of this: 

Suggestions welcome.

Day one hundred and thirty eight: Ability

It's employee review time so I've decided to breakdown the self-assessment via blog post before I hand in my sheet to the bosses at (insert real name here). 


Category #1: Ability


Had the skills and knowledge to do the job. Strives to continuously improve skills in current job and through cross-training.


(insert real name here) 


The skills and knowledge to do the job? I think I've got both, sorta. 


Can I carry two glasses in one hand? Yes. At least three plates of food at a time? Yes. In the year I've worked at (insert real name here) I can only remember dropping plates twice -- once by accident and once, maybe (totally), on purpose when no one was looking. It helps if you exclaim something like "Oh shit!" or "Oops!" afterwards to avert suspicion (I assumed, based on the one time I may have done that).


The knowledge? Do I know every single ingredient that goes into each menu item? Of course I don't. But I know enough to get by and I'm quick enough on my feet that I can lie if need be. 


Strives to continuously improve skills in current job? 


The other night I carried six lemonades --SIX! -- to a table sans tray without dropping a single glass. I didn't know how to put them down and had to come up with a solution a la Adam West Batman:

If that's not continuously improving my skills I don't know what is. 

As for working towards improving my skills through cross-training, sometimes I get to make drinks in the bar. It looks a little something like this:

Eat your heart out Tom Cruise! 


My rating? Exceeds expectations, obviously.

Day one hundred and thirty seven: employee reviews

The thing about working at a corporate chain like (insert real name here) is that there are certain expectations the company has of its employees and how those employees conduct themselves at the restaurant. 


Today I got a sheet to fill out simply called "Associates Expected Behaviors - self assessment"


The instructions on how to fill it out are simple: 

Use the performance standards (listed on the sheet) in the performance rating outline to identify the most appropriate rating for each behavior. Include any comments or examples that support your rating.

There are  three rating levels:

1. E - exceeds expectations
2. M - meets expectations
3. DN - does not meet expectations

It doesn't say whose expectations are to be met and while most people would assume they are that of the management staff and the company, I have chosen to fill it out according to my expectations. 

There are 11 categories to comment on which, as you can imagine, has given me a lot to ponder. So before I hand in my sheet I've decided to give each category some serious thought. 


The categories are:

• ability
• guest driven/passionate
• results
• team player
• initiative
• cooperation
• integrity
• stamina
• reliability
• grooming standards/appearance
• fun

And what better forum to work out my answers than to post them on the internet via this blog. And because the New Shop doesn't have employee reviews or paperwork to fill out regarding my work performance I'm thinking, what the hell? Why not self-assess my performance there according to (insert real name here) standards too. 


This is going to be fun. Stay tuned. 

Day one hundred and thirty five: Champagne comes from Champagne

Champagne comes from Champagne, everything else is sparkling wine.

Sometimes, at the New Shop, the higher-ups get great ideas on how to bring in new clientele. The latest idea? A Valentine's Day couples dinner. 

It's a good idea, in theory, but a money pit in reality. None of the advertising had a phone number or address for the New Shop on it so reservations relied heavily on the foot traffic that passed the store front.  


A three course dinner for two including wine? $50?! Per couple?! What a deal! For the diner that is. 


My only real issue of the evening was the "event" advertising. The posters didn't list our phone number or address and, along with the three course meal, promised champagne.


Champagne is sparkling wine from the the Champagne region of France. One of my pet peeves is when someone refers to sparkling wine as such but oddly enough I have no issue when someone refers to non-Kleenex tissue as Kleenex or generic cotton swabs as Q-tips. 


We didn't buy champagne at the New Shop to give away for free, that would be ludicrous for a little place like ours. 


We doled out glasses of La Scala Spumante, a cheapie sparkling wine from the Calona Vineyard in Kelowna, British Columbia... I think. 


I was worried that I'd have to defend the New Shop and it's "champagne" but it turns out when you're giving people hooch with their grub they don't really care or know that what they're drinking is dangerously close to a bottle of Baby Duck. 


It's a good thing the night went smoothly. Would I consider it a success? Sure. I made a few bucks and got to finish the rest of the sparkling wine. In these scenarios I tend to be driven by how much wine I get to consume once all of the tables leave. It sure makes clean up seem less tedious.